


Body Image

by CookieDoughMe



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Body Swap, Dubious Consent, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Smut, acknowledgement of long-repressed Feelings, masturbation in someone else's body without them knowing, threegulls with an emphasis on nuke, two chapters of smut followed by one of conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 21:02:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookieDoughMe/pseuds/CookieDoughMe
Summary: Chapters One and Two are set during a less-angsty version of The Old Switcheroo: one in which the level of imminent death, disaster and risk of personality wipes and Trouble bombs is lower, and one in which Duke and Nathan stay body-swapped for longer i.e. long enough that they spend a night in each other's bodies.Chapter Three is set in a much-less-angsty-than-canon post-Troubles situation, in which Audrey, Duke and Nathan have a conversation.





	1. Duke in Nathan's Body

Duke, in Nathan's body, stepped out of the shower, which like everything else had been an incredibly strange experience without the sensation of touch. He opened the bathroom door and watched the steam rush out into the cool evening air of the hallway. Then he waited for the bite of the cold to hit him, but it never did.

He made his way over to the wardrobe and without thinking opened the door with the full-length mirror inside, only to find himself face to face with Nathan's naked reflection. And even as he felt a twinge of guilt for in some sense spying on Nathan, he couldn't help but look. Besides, what was he supposed to do, get dressed with his eyes closed? Yeah that was likely to go well when he couldn't feel the clothes either. 

And so, he looked. He looked at the bruise on Nathan's ribs from the fight dealing with an anger Trouble last week, and the cut on his shoulder from Duke didn't know what. He looked over Nathan's skin, dotted with various little scars and bruises, but devoid of the tattoos Duke was used to seeing in the mirror. He looked at the curve of Nathan's chest muscles, the line of his collarbone and the trail of hair that led from belly button down between his legs. He turned for a moment to get what view he could of his back and his ass.

He ran an unfeeling hand over an unfeeling stomach, enjoying the view if nothing else. And then that spark of guilt returned: he was using Nathan's body without Nathan's involvement, that was creepy at best. Though it was, at the moment at least, also his body as well - that made some kind of difference, surely. He paused, skin drying unfelt in the air, hand resting near the top of his stomach. There was a moment where it almost went either way: he could have turned from the mirror, got dressed and gone in search of something to eat. He could have. But then, it occurred to him to wonder what Nathan was doing right now. It occurred to him to wonder whether Nathan was stood in front of a mirror too, or what exactly he was doing with Duke's body just at this particular moment.

He wasn't with Audrey, Duke knew that much. He had seen Nathan reach for her with his hands and he had seen Audrey pull away.  _ It's not really you, _ she'd said. Duke still wasn't sure whether to be reassured or insulted by that.

But still, even if it wasn't exactly his own, the man had skin he could feel for the first time in years. Duke could somehow not imagine Nathan having a quick efficient shower or getting promptly changed. Even if Nathan's heightened sense of propriety might make him unlikely to do anything too ridiculous, Duke thought, still he couldn't imagine Nathan not taking advantage of the situation in some way or another.

What he could imagine Nathan doing, he found, was running his hands over his stomach in exactly the same way Duke was doing right now. Nathan would maybe not be stood in front of a mirror, but then he wouldn't need the visual so much; it would be all about the feel for him. He would have his eyes closed probably, lying back on the bed perhaps in the gloom of the evening, head thrown back as he explored the feel of Duke's body with his fingers. 

Duke wouldn't blame him if he were. In fact, he thought, he would have to wonder what was wrong with the guy if he weren't taking advantage of the opportunity. This numb thing was … numb. It was weird and disorientating and inconvenient and alienating and depressing and  _ numb _ and he thought it only sensible for Nathan to take as much advantage of a break from it as possible.

He considered for a moment picking up his phone to tell Nathan so, tell him he could do what he wanted with Duke's body, tell him to go out and make a night of it. He started in fact to run through a couple of possible numbers in his head; old hookups who would probably still be pleased enough to see him, but not bothered enough by his absence to ask any awkward questions or notice that he wasn't really...him. In the end, the main thing that stopped him was the thought that Nathan would not appreciate the suggestion, and definitely would not appreciate Duke being the one to make it. 

And besides, Duke realised, Nathan was not going to cheat on Audrey, even if it wasn't Nathan's body doing the cheating. In a town like Haven that was not a distinction that made any difference. And in a town like Haven, the fact that Duke was in possession of Nathan's body did not mean that he could do the things with it that Nathan did. 

Because, Duke was also very aware that if this Trouble hadn't hit, it might be Audrey running her hands over this numb skin right now; her touch like electric in a field of dark. He wouldn't have been there to feel it, but now he couldn't help but think of her hands, running over the skin he saw in the mirror, couldn't help but think of the way Nathan would respond to that.

He also couldn't help but think about the way Nathan might be responding to touch now; a touch delivered with Duke's own hands, even if he weren't there to know about it. He couldn't help but think of Nathan running hands across Duke's body, even if those hands were Duke's own. And he couldn't help but think of running his hands over Nathan, even if the only hands he had available at the moment were Nathan's own, and even as Nathan were not there to see it happen either. 

In his thoughts the hands of the three of them mingled together; there were so many possibilities there. Audrey knew how he felt about her, he had a feeling she was not entirely devoid of feelings for him. She had chosen Nathan and he accepted that, but sometimes he wondered if she really had to choose at all. If one day maybe, once the Troubles were gone and the world calmed down, whether they might not be able to find a way to share touch together the three of them. Because, in his more honest-with-himself moments, he knew that not only was he still in love with Audrey, but he was lost in his feelings for Nathan too. This man he had known his whole life, this man who he would follow into hell with no hesitation at all.

And now here he was, and he might be no closer to the three of them sharing touches together, but here Nathan's body was at least - this gorgeous body just  _ here _ for him to study and look at and run his hands over and think about. And even as that twinge of guilt flared up again, he reasoned that if he were happy to give permission to Nathan to have a fun night out with his body, it did not perhaps seem so unreasonable that with Nathan's he just  _ look _ .

And so he looked. He couldn't help it. He was aware that he must be getting cold, but he could not find the motivation to drag himself away from the mirror, could not help but take the opportunity to learn the shape of Nathan's body in every single little intimate detail.

And as he did, he couldn't help but find out that standing naked in front of someone attractive and thinking about sex had the exact same effect on Nathan's numb body as it might on any other man's.  _ Well, _ he thought, looking down at his - or Nathan's - erection,  _ What am I supposed to do with that? _

He thought again about picking up the phone to Nathan, a quick text perhaps: [what do u do when u get hard?] But he could only imagine Nathan either ignoring him or reacting in fury, neither of which would be too helpful. He left his phone where it was.

He felt the frustration of Nathan's Trouble all over again. Not simply in the fact that he couldn't feel the physical arousal in his body, but in the fact that as he wrapped a hand around Nathan's cock, his hand couldn't feel what was happening either. He wanted to feel that, he realised.

Most of the time he could tell himself it didn't matter: it wouldn't work; there was no future in it; Nathan was with Audrey. Most of the time he could tell himself a hundred and one things that were mostly true, about why any kind of relationship between him and Nathan was impossible. But right now, looking at Nathan's turned-on body in the mirror, he could not avoid the truth that he wanted to know what it felt like to take a hold of Nathan's cock; wanted to know what it felt like to make him come, even if only once.

And as he thought about it, even in another man's body the movement was familiar enough and the muscle memory was there. He moved his wrist, running his fingers over his - over Nathan's - cock and he watched the view in fascination, and he thought again about what Nathan might be experiencing through his body right now. He imagined Nathan standing a long time in the shower, savouring each droplet of water as it ran over his skin. He imagined Nathan doing as he had done; letting his skin dry in the air, appreciating the coolness of it and even the goosebumps that would eventually drive him into bed. He imagined Nathan taking in the feel of sheets on his skin for the first time in years and he imagined the look on his own face as Nathan grabbed his - grabbed Duke's - cock and did exactly what Duke was doing right now. He thought about Nathan running hands over Duke's chest, even if those hands were Duke's own. He thought about Nathan taking full advantage of his body, and surprised himself at just how much he liked the thought of that happening, even if he weren't there at the time to share in it.

And as he thought these things he watched Nathan's fingers run over Nathan's cock and at some point the fact that he couldn't feel it started to seem like an advantage; less like he was jerking himself off and more like he was watching a show put on just for him. And at the back of his mind was the awareness that Nathan's nerve endings were not permanently fried; they still worked for Audrey, they would still work when the Troubles ended. They still worked in theory. And so, even as he could not feel it happening and didn't really expect it to, he recognised the possibility of an orgasm, the nerves working unfelt behind the scenes.

As he watched the show he was putting on, he wondered at the possibility of one day seeing the real thing; watching Nathan do this to himself, helping him out, tasting his kisses, holding his warm body against his, feeling him come. And as he thought about these things he found that orgasm in a numb body was possible after all, even as he felt nothing but the slightest echo, a subtle faintness perhaps, and watched as the legs he stood on suddenly had problems holding him up. He fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes, focusing on the endorphin-glow that he could just about sense, and wondered again what Nathan was feeling through his body right now.

_ Every time I think my life can't get any more weird, _ he thought,  _ Haven throws me something new. _

 


	2. Nathan in Duke's Body

Nathan was struggling. Being in a different body would be disorientating for anyone, and then there was also the onslaught of unfamiliar sensations catching him unawares at every moment. 

He stood in front of the sink, toothbrush in hand and thinking hard. Not just about this Trouble (and the Troubles in general) and what they needed to do tomorrow to fix it, but about his situation right now, as he looked in the mirror and saw the face of Duke Crocker staring back at him.

As they had called it a day and decided to head home for some rest, he had reached for Audrey without thinking; wanting to be near her in the same way he always did. She had been tactful about it as she pulled away, but she had been very clear that she did not want to spend the night with him, not while he was affected by this Trouble. And he had respected that because after all  he was not exactly  _ himself _ at the moment. And he had to acknowledge too that it would not really have been fair to Duke in any case (especially given Duke's feelings for her as well) but was that all Audrey had meant? Somehow he didn't think so. He supposed really he should be flattered, but he was also surprised and obscurely disappointed, and as he made a perfunctory effort to brush his - Duke's - teeth he was thinking hard about both Audrey's reaction and his.

He realised suddenly that his disappointment was tied up with his surprise. He had been expecting that Audrey might like the chance to reach for Duke's body for a change. He knew how she felt about Duke, it was becoming increasingly clear every day that the two of them were in love with each other too. Once, that would have made him seethe with rage, but now he was more focused on giving Audrey what she wanted. If she wanted to be with Duke this would have been a way that he could offer her that except, he realised before he even finished the thought, it wouldn't have been at all, would it? Because Duke wouldn't have been there. Maybe the issue was not so much that he was not really himself, but that he was not really Duke.

He put the toothbrush away and looked in the mirror again, moved the unfamiliar face muscles, spoke to his reflection. The voice sounded strange in his ears and though it was disorientating to see a different face looking back at him, it was also strange to see that face moving in different ways to usual. Anyone who knew Duke well enough would be able to tell straight away that was not in fact who he was.

So no, this Trouble was not a way for him to offer Audrey a night with Duke at all. But was that all it had been, or was there something else disappointing him too? He realised that if Audrey had been here right now, it wouldn't have been just him spending the night with her as they had before, and it wouldn't have been simply her spending the night with Duke either, it would in some sense have been him _and_ Duke; both of them giving her what she wanted - together. And _oh_ _boy_ if that idea didn't give him something to think about. He turned from the mirror to walk out of the bathroom, but he stopped in the doorway in distraction, lost in thought at the concept of him and Duke.

He made it out of the bathroom at last, and as he got changed into pyjama pants, he caught his elbow against the door and it was only the slightest touch but the unexpectedness of it made him nearly jump out of his skin. He rubbed at his elbow, looked down at it though for once he knew there was no injury. The tattoo on Duke's shoulder caught his eye and his attention, and he ran his fingers over that as well, wondering what the needle had felt like, how long it had taken to do. He turned then and investigated all of Duke's other tattoos, ran his fingers over them, shivered under his own touch.

He didn't think of himself as homophobic. He fully supported the right of everyone to get married and go about their lives without fear of discrimination or harassment. But he had not grown up in an environment which discussed such things. He had read about unconscious bias in some training at work, and he had to admit to the possibility of an unconscious thread of homophobia running through him, unwanted and unfelt (ha!) but still there. Still perhaps making it difficult for him to admit to feelings for Duke, even to himself. Still meaning it was easier for him to think about him and Duke together in a context in which Audrey was there too.

And of course, it wasn't just the fact that this was another man he was thinking about, and not even just that it was his oldest friend, but the fact that it was  _ Duke Crocker _ . For all that they had been working together lately in relation to the Troubles, they had been at each other's throats before that for a much longer period of time. It was not a simple matter to just forget all that history. But then, he thought, they had been friends, enemies, brothers-in-arms; they had been almost everything to each other already, what would it matter to add lovers to the list?

He turned out the light and sat down wearily on the bed, then flopped backwards, tired and frustrated and not sure what to do next. For a while he lay there and stared blankly at the ceiling. He should probably get some sleep but he didn't quite see how that was going to happen. Eventually he realised that he was lying there doing nothing because he was avoiding thinking about something that deep down he knew that he really did need to think about. 

He reached over to the bedside table and pulled a mirror from a drawer. (He'd had a nightmare once, real enough that he'd woken unsure if he were actually injured and had to look in a mirror to check he was OK before he could get back to sleep. So now he kept a mirror to hand, though he had not expected to use it like this.) He held it close to his face - Duke's face - and studied the reflection again. This face he'd known his whole life, that he had seen happy and sad, relaxed and stressed, scared and relieved, angry, determined; pretty much every emotion you could think of. He'd seen this face grow up, hell - he'd even watched this face grow old. He knew this face pretty well, he thought. He brought his other hand up to it, ran his fingers across his lips. He didn't know it so well in terms of sensations though. He didn't know what it felt like to kiss, or be kissed by, this face. He didn't know the expressions it made in bed, or the sounds that it's throat made in pleasure.

He let the mirror drop down beside him on the bed in frustration. He wasn't going to find out the answer to all of that tonight. But his other hand stayed where it was, traced across Duke's lips and his goatee, ran over his whole face as Nathan learnt its shape from a perspective he had never expected to have.

And even through his thoughts about Duke and his resolve to untangle them (even as he was aware that working out what to do about them was a whole other thing), he found himself relaxing into the sensations of touch; even just a finger on his lips, or a hand rested on his chest, was such a long forgotten experience it drew his attention like almost nothing else could.

Because after all, this body was not so dramatically different from his own. He could close his eyes and run a hand down his chest and pretend the Troubles had never existed. He could climb into bed and feel the sheets trap his body heat against his skin. He could turn off the lights and listen to his own heartbeat and pretend there was nothing wrong in the world at all.

And he did all of these things, but he could not pretend for long; this was not his body. He could feel it in the way his back pressed against the bed and the way his chest moved as he breathed. He rested a hand there again, felt the touch of skin on skin even if it wasn't his own, even if it was, to be specific, Duke Crocker's; friend, enemy, ally … what came next in that list?

He held a hand up to the dim light from the window, and even in silhouette he could see it wasn't his. He turned it this way and that, bent the fingers, wondered at the things they had done, the skills they had learnt. He brought those fingers to his face again, explored Duke's lips, the shape of his face, ran fingers softly around under his jaw to his ears, found the spot behind them that was just the right side of ticklish. He ran his fingers down his neck to his chest and he thought about the only obvious way for him to make best use of this night with skin that could feel, here in his bed, alone.

It seemed cheap somehow, to use Duke's body for his own selfish pleasure. He did not really want to do anything that Duke would be uncomfortable with him doing. But then, right at this moment, this was the only body he had, and Duke was not here. And right at this moment, he could feel his heartbeat and the warmth of his skin, he could feel the tips of his toes and he could feel the sheets shifting over his stomach as he breathed. He could feel between his legs for the first time in years.

He let his hand rest low on his stomach, and he thought about Audrey again. He took his thoughts back to the beginning, but now he just let them be. He stopped trying to analyse. And so he thought about touching her with these hands, about what it would be like to run Duke's fingers over her skin. Would she feel the difference between that and if Duke himself touched her? He didn't know the answer but he thought about the possibility of it. He thought about stripping the clothes from her skin using these hands and no longer cared to try and work out why he liked that thought so much. He thought about her and Duke together too, and filed away for later the realisation of how little this idea bothered him now. He thought about him and Duke touching her at once, and he thought about him and Duke turning to each other then, placing their own hands on each other's skin at last.

He thought about all the possibilities and he felt his cock - Duke's cock - twitch and he gave up the pretence that he was going to do anything with this precious skin-that-could-feel than make the most use of it possible and give himself whatever pleasure he could while he had it.

He ran his hands over Duke's stomach and revelled in the sensation, and the idea of his hands on Duke's skin. He ran Duke's hand over his stomach and pretended it was really Duke Crocker touching him. And even as he did not know how strongly Duke would object to what he was doing right now, and even as he offered up a silent apology for it, he wrapped Duke's fingers around his cock and gave himself over to the pleasure of it; to the pleasure of his moving hand, to the pleasure of thinking about Duke doing this to him and of thinking about doing this to Duke. His hand moved faster and faster as his other palm ran over his chest and his stomach and he thought about what it would be like if Duke (or Audrey) were here to watch him, or if he were watching Duke doing this.

He thought about every single possibility there was, without care to how realistic any of them might be, or the reasons why he might be enjoying them so. He enjoyed the thinking about them, and he enjoyed Duke's hands running over him and he enjoyed his hands running over Duke's body. He enjoyed feeling the beat of his heart and the blood running all the way down to his toes and he enjoyed the feeling his - Duke's - hand gave him as he jerked himself off. He enjoyed the orgasm and he enjoyed the afterglow and then he wondered if he would ever be able to look Duke in the face again.

And then he told himself that yes of course he would, because he was not going to hide from his feelings (ha!) towards Duke anymore. He was not going to hide from Duke and he was not going to hide from himself and he was going to be honest with Audrey and with all of them.

_ Or at least,  _ he resolved,  _ he would try. _


	3. Conversation

It was six months to the day since the Troubles had finally ended for good, but everyone was too busy getting on with things to notice the anniversary. Reconstruction efforts across town were proceeding apace, injuries were healing, and though all was not yet quite back to normal, everyone had a safe and warm place to sleep. And though people might dream about monsters sometimes, they could at least wake with the knowledge they had left the horrors behind.

On this Friday evening, the Grey Gull was busy and Duke was taking the night off, leaving the work to his capable staff so he could sit at a corner table with Audrey and Nathan while the three of them drank just slightly faster than was perhaps entirely sensible.

As Duke looked around him he realised it seemed to be an approach to the evening that many others were following. Vince and Dave were taking short breaks from their bickering to tell Gloria some story that had her clutching her sides with laughter and wiping tears from her eyes. Dwight and Claire were in animated and highly amused conversation at the bar, apparently trying to out do each other with ridiculous tales and unable to decide who was winning. Claire looked around the bar a couple of times before she spotted the object of her search and called for Audrey, waving her over so enthusiastically she nearly fell off her bar stool.

"Looks like I need to go settle an argument," Audrey observed, amused, and took a mouth full of beer as though to strengthen her for the task.

She got up from the table and ran her hand across Nathan's shoulders as she walked past him. Duke watched her go and watched him react to her touch through the fabric of his shirt; a touch he wouldn't have been able to feel a few months ago.

"Did I ever tell you how… difficult your Trouble was?" Duke asked.

Nathan huffed at him. "Wasn't my idea to switch bodies Duke."

"No, I - that's not what I meant, " Duke insisted, shaking his head fiercely. "I'm trying to express some sympathy here. You had a lot to deal with, is what I'm saying. I mean I get it now, even how … obsessed you were with Audrey." Nathan opened his mouth to object but Duke pre-empted him, "Come on Nathan, I'm not saying it's true any more, but for a while there it wasn't just love; you were obsessed."

Nathan looked at his drink in silence.

Over by the bar, Claire punched the air in victory and grinned triumphantly at Dwight, who responded with a gentlemanly bow of the head and a wave to Tracy behind the bar for more drinks.

"But I get it, is what I'm saying. For lots of reasons," Duke added, looking at Audrey as she walked back over to them, "I get it. You had a lot to deal with."

"The Troubles?" asked Audrey, sitting back down.

"Nathan's Trouble," Duke clarified with a nod towards him. "I only spent one night in that body, but it was … numb. Numbing. I don't know how he wasn't reaching for you every single minute once he found out he could feel your skin."

"Once we got together, he kind of was," admitted Audrey with a smile.

Nathan frowned and scratched his head, self-conscious.

"Remember when you touched my arm just before we swapped back, and I nearly jumped out of my skin?" Duke asked her. "It was so intense, just your fingers holding my arm. I mean I can't even imagine what it would have been like for him when you…"

"I'm right here!" Nathan interrupted in protest at being talked about, though without any real force behind it.

"Well I don't know how you dealt with it for so long without going completely stir crazy to be honest. Even once you two were together and you could be with Audrey for some … relief, it can't have been the same."

Nathan tilted his head in an acknowledgement of the truth of that.

"It sounds like that night you spent in his body was quite the revelation," Audrey commented.

Duke, remembering exactly what he had done with that body once he had been alone with it, had to agree. "Yeah," he replied with a nod.

"Wait, did you….?" Nathan started to ask, suddenly wondering how that night had gone. "Did you spend that night _with_ someone?"

"No!" Duke replied quickly. "No. Come on, I wouldn't. That wouldn't have been fair. To anyone."

"Hmmm," Nathan accepted Duke's protestations of innocence, but cautiously, as though there might be something else still unsaid about that night.

"I went home for some rest, like we agreed. It was just me," Duke insisted, then winced internally at how that might sound. Then winced again as he saw that Audrey had seen it.

"I did not do anything reckless or irresponsible, _or illegal_ , or unusual or unreasonable while in possession of Nathan's body," he insisted, knowing as he said it that he was probably insisting a bit too hard to really look entirely innocent to two experienced detectives. "And," he turned to Nathan, "that was the first night you had skin that could feel for years. Don't try and tell me you just went home and straight to sleep."

"I …" Nathan's sentence ran dry. "That's not …"

Audrey's grin spread slowly but inexorably across her whole face. "You both went home and jerked off!" she realised.

Nathan put his hands on the table, "Look," he began, appealing to both of them.

"Hey, I get it," said Duke with feeling. "That's what I was saying before. I totally get it. I'd be worried about you if you hadn't."

"Yeah I get it too," Audrey assured him, and Nathan relaxed a little. "Although," she realised, "I get what Nathan was doing. I see what anyone with Nathan's Trouble would get out of suddenly finding themselves in a body that could feel. I'm not sure what you would get out of finding yourself in a numb one though?" Audrey asked him.

"It wasn't…" Duke started to say heatedly, then suddenly cut himself off with the realisation of what he had been about to admit to; that it hadn't been the fact that the body was _numb_ at all, but that it was _Nathan's_.

Audrey was looking at him with an intense curiosity and so, he realised, was Nathan.

"I mean how…" Audrey began. "OK you don't actually have to answer this, either of you, because I realise it's a pretty personal question but, how does that even work when you can't feel anything?"

She looked at Duke and when he didn't answer she turned to Nathan, curious.

"In my experience," he said, "it generally didn't."

They both turned to Duke. "Look," he began, much as Nathan had earlier in the conversation, but he didn't have any more to the sentence either.

"Were you just that curious about the Trouble?" Nathan asked, and there was more and more hurt in his voice as he asked, "Wanted to prove to yourself if I was a _'real boy'_ afterall?"

"No! God Nathan, no it wasn't that. I wouldn't… I didn't _plan_ it at all, I just took a shower and went to the wardrobe for clothes and there was the mirror and there … _you_ were, and I just …" Duke slumped back in his chair. There was no way he could explain this without either hurting Nathan or admitting to his feelings for him, neither of which he really wanted to do. "It just got me thinking and … half of what I was thinking about was what you might have been doing with _my_ body at the time and it sounds like I was right about that so don't… blame me for just…" he shook his head, took a gulp of beer. There was really no good way out of this, but he had resolved to stop lying to himself about Nathan and he didn't really want to lie to Nathan or Audrey about it either. "... enjoying the view," he finished.

Audrey raised an eyebrow at him, and turned to Nathan who was staring at him with an expression he could not place at all.

Duke expected Audrey to reply, but she stayed quiet, perhaps feeling that how he felt about Nathan was none of her business. Duke took another mouthful of beer, waiting for Nathan to speak but the silence stretched out. "Would someone please say something?" Duke asked.

"I, um…" Nathan began. He shifted in his seat, rested his arms on the table. "Resolved that night to be more honest with myself. About you, but… I guess I haven't been very good at it so far." He didn't look at either of them; he spoke to the table, but Duke could hear him well enough as he continued. "It wasn't just that I had hands that could feel. Part of … it was because… they were also, hands that were … yours," Nathan finished, flicking his eyes up to see Duke watching him and then looking back down to the table again. "And I…" he stopped, sat back in his seat, scratched his head. "I know the two of you have feelings for each other and … part of what I was thinking about was … the three of us together." He flicked his eyes up to Duke again and then over to Audrey; checking they'd heard him. Then he reached for his beer but it was empty. "OK I need alcohol," he said, and stood up to to go to the bar.

Audrey and Duke let him go, stared at each other over the table in silence and stillness. "Did he…?" Duke began, lost his sentence and then tried again. "Did he just admit to having feelings for me?"

Audrey nodded, apparently thinking hard.

"And this three-of-us concept… what do you make of that?" Duke asked.

She tapped her finger on the table in thought. "We should talk about it all of us together," she said.

Duke nodded. "Yeah. OK that's fair," he replied, and joined her in tapping his finger on the table in impatience until Nathan came back with another round of drinks and a set of shots of whiskey to go with them. He held up his shot in a brief wordless toast then quickly downed it.

There was another extended silence until Audrey eventually broke it. "OK so you two have known each other a long time, long before I got here, and I guess you've probably had feelings for each other for a long time too, even if they've been hard to admit to, even to yourselves. But so … I mean if you two … I don't want to intrude…"

"Audrey, no," Nathan assured her quickly, taking her hand. "I don't want to be without you. I don't want anything to change between us." She squeezed his hand and smiled her understanding.

"I wouldn't want to get in the way of what you two have together anyway," Duke assured both of them. "But, I mean … if you want to talk about … the three of us…?"

Audrey smiled at him, and looked at Nathan.

There was another moment then when things could have gone either way. Nathan could have laughed it off, blamed it on the drink, told him that such a thing was unrealistic. What he actually did was reach his other hand across the table towards Duke. After a moment, Duke took it, and Nathan squeezed it tight as he told him. "I don't know how such a thing might work. But I think it's something we should talk about. All of us together."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you're glad you did, then any form of positive comment is always very welcome :) Or come chat on tumblr; the link is in my profile:)


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